Communication is key. We know that, we’ve said it and posted it and transposed the wording, made sermons and podcasts and TedTalks and whatever else to make sure we all know that the way we say something and the way it is received actually matters- oh yeah, and then there’s body language and emotional IQ and ALLLL of our internal dialogue that is constantly shaping the way we filter and process and receive communication back.
Ugh. Key or Keychain?
I’ve been intentionally seeking to be a good communicator the last four years, can I tell you, it is HARD work. It’s not just becoming a great listener, but it‘s about becoming an INTERESTED listener. Not someone prepared to answer, but someone really, truly available and intentional about HEARING the other person.
Communication may be a key, but a key isn’t the endgame- it’s the means to opening up something more. Communication was never to be the door or the space, but the conduit to come “in to” something…..I think that “in to” is relationship.
Relationship is a noun- to remind you, that means that relationship IS a thing. There is substance to it. Webster Dictionary defines relationship as:
the state of being related or interrelated IE studied the relationship between variables
the relation connection or binding participants in a relationship: such as
a.) kinship- the quality or state of BEING kin (related)
b.) a specific instance or type of kinship
I want to hang on these two specifics within the definition. I’m going to suggest based on the above that:
Relationship is the state of being connected by an intentional process of giving and receiving.
Relationship is a process that is built upon and dependent on both what is coming into and what is coming out of both parties at a given time. This is why we see a vast dynamic and spectrum of different types, depths and stability of relationships and also why we experience a vast array of them in our own lives. Not all relationships are equal, in part, because not all relationships have the same access nor the same connection points between the two parties. Again- the stability of a relationship is measured by the degree of the bond.
Bonds immediately put me back in High School chemistry class. I LOVED chemistry. I loved studying the building blocks of creation and I was/is fascinated by what these teach us about the world around us- as well as echo the Creator, himself as He answers our questions through His handiwork…
Do you know what the most stable elements is? Iron. You know why? It has the most stable nucleus (For those desiring to “geek out” even more- check out your trusty interweb for more studies on iron and, specifically 56Fe) Isn’t it a wonder that iron would be considered one of the most stable elements when we are taught that, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another- Proverbs 27:17”. And more profound for me- the most stable nucleus is found in the most stable element….hmmm, so stable relationships depend on the stability of the individuals that are relating…..
I digress. I’ll probably do that a lot- because I love to chase butterflies and rabbits and squirrels…..#ifyouknowyouknow
Anyways.
Relationships require connection and connection is provided through conversation and conversation is fueled by COMMUNICATION and communication is a key to connection. The point is connection.
We live in a world that communication- the very conduit of connection- has been misused as a conduit of separation. Somewhere along the way we thought we had to agree to connect instead of realizing that connection was intended for relationship and that relationship was not limited to the similarities we relate to, but the bonds in which we would CHOOSE to form. If you can’t disagree or have opposing views in a relationship, how on earth does anyone believe we will ever be “sharpened”, learn, change our minds, grow? Iron can’t sharpen iron if it doesn’t rub up against it….it’s that action of agitation, intentional grinding that brings it to a point….#getthepoint?
Let's start conversations that aid communication and reveal keys to doors and spaces we haven’t yet stepped into——and can I be brutally honest? Some of these conversations may be uncomfortable, foreign, deep or downright not at all interesting to some of us, but they will be seeds that we can take and plant if we decide.
If you’re looking for some equipping in communication, I would HIGHLY suggest this course by Hayley Braun and Melissa Casey: CHECKING YOUR VITALS
Checking Your Vitals is a 12-week study into understanding the way that you work and interact with the world around you. Hayley and Melissa do a brilliant job in breaking down and explaining your relational needs and desires as well as HOW to navigate communication and the different ways in how each of us is put together to need and receive differently. This course was a game changer for me!
I want to encourage all of us to move from today with a new perspective on communication. One that isn't afraid of differing viewpoints or contrary beliefs. One that is comfortable with being sharpened- one willing to change and be refined. Communication was created for relationship and connection- remember that the next time you start a conversation.....
Lyns
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can possibly ask for or imagine according to the power at work within us"
Ephesians 3:20
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