Identity is something we all desire. It is a part of the human design to seek significance and belonging. Regardless of the way we decide to pursue or define identity- we can all agree, it is- in part- how we relate to the world around us, it is what makes you- you.
So what is identity?
Our world, now, has perpetuated the narrative that your identity is in what you do, what you like, how you process the world around you, who you are attracted to, how you FEEL inside (to name a few). Identity becomes a choice and fluid process affirmed by emotions rather than a foundational design and infrastructure of your full person. Identity, by many, is suggested to be HOW you feel rather than WHO you are. That HOW you feel determines WHO you are instead of another perspective that WHO I am influences HOW I feel and interact with the world and circumstances around me. I've landed with the latter- believing that identity is a part of the way I have been intentionally designed...that there is a foundation to which who Lyndsie is built upon. I'm not saying that Lyndsie hasn't changed and is a fixed outcome based on the foundation- I'm saying that a firm foundation gives structure to a sound building- the rest of my life and experience- and without a firm foundation, there is a lack of stability and where there is a lack of stability, there are cracks and sinking and make-shift support where there should be foundation. Think about a house--When a home has a crack in the foundation, it is possible to adjust the weight for a time- but the ultimate remedy is to tear down the house, fix the foundation and rebuild anew SO THAT the building will remain stable and in tact through all circumstances. This picture is similar to the way I measure the strength of my own identity by the stability of my life in all circumstances.....
Following me yet?
Think about our genetics, there is a code within us that comes from our mother and father. This code or genetic pattern becomes a part of our own genetic pattern and is responsible for creating distinguishable attributes from the existing pattern. These characteristics become the foundation that we are built upon and demonstrate a lineage- repeated pattern- that pays homage to the genes from the original pattern. My pattern makes me look like a human rather than a dolphin-the construct of genes is not affected nor determined by emotion- it can influence behavior, but it can not change the structure....Hence, our genetic makeup is not the only factor that goes into our construct, it's just the foundation.
I'd like to suggest that where our DNA is a foundation, our experience is the actual building that is constructed---Experience starts to build upon the foundation. Experience is influenced by ALL the input that affects us as we grow. Upbringing, activity, habit, needs met and needs unfulfilled, culture, etc. Experience's by-product is structure that creates understanding and the filter to which life is processed through. Like everyone's house is decorated differently, ordered differently, taken care of and stewarded differently- so, too, are we as our own houses....We LEARN through experience and we CHANGE through experience, but experience (think about our conversation on the "familiar") can either enforce and work together with the foundation or it can completely work against it. Some obvious examples of this are trauma, loss, disease, bad habits, etc.
So, if HOW you feel determines WHO you are- my first question is what about your genetic foundation and your experiences? If feelings are filters that have been created and perpetuated by experience, to what extent are they to be trusted? Are feelings measures or determiners? I'd suggest, based on my own experience, that the feelings I had at sixteen were TERRIBLE determiners of my circumstances (heck, in my late 20s!). I felt like I didn't belong, I felt different than everyone else, I felt misunderstood and unseen AND all those feelings led me into a season of my life that was built on an emotive foundation that housed torment and pain rather than the stable foundation of where my identity actually resided in..... I think we have the greatest gift to have that access to a firm foundation of code to- at least at some level- come back to for truth. As an adult, now, I recognize my feelings as helpers, but absolutely not as definers, in my teens they were indicators of cracks in my identity that needed to be addressed, not places to build upon....and, now, I can tell you as a mom, what my kids feel, even when they are passionately resolved upon, are not the foundations of who they are, but generally indicators of process, values or sometimes just physical hormonal fluctuations- pms, anyone? Don't ever make an important decision or statement when your hormones are out of whack- no matter how much you feel like it...
Doesn't it sound like we are trying to measure identity as a society by using our feelings to do that? How do you possibly measure without a standard? Without a standard, there is no way to determine right or wrong, healthy or ill, incline or decline....and we aren't just measuring identity by feelings- we are now opening up the measuring tool to be without boundaries and subject to no foundational guidelines- saying, YES, how you feel is your truth! YES, we know that emotions and feelings are actually subject to experience and history and process, but you go be whoever you FEEL you are today------we, as the generational leaders THE ADULTS right now give the children and young adults freedom without restraint to BE who they all in the name of Affirmation....and when did affirmation become stamping approval to everything??? I will gladly take the correction of the wise over the affirmation of the fool any day.....just because someone says "Yes, I agree with you" or "You are doing the right thing" does not mean you are correct or in line- I also believe in a world that is influenced by both good and evil (as in spirits that exist), and can I tell you evil has a funny way of agreeing and affirming more often than not to appeal to your emotions.....
I can feel writing this that right now many of you will start to have thoughts that are either suggesting that I am rejecting values or beliefs that you have- in no way, I'm purely sharing my values and beliefs and thoughts and giving you the invitation to think on it or trash it all, it is important that you think for yourself rather than regurgitate something someone has told you to think....ask questions and weigh what you know now....
So, affirmation.....are you affirming? What does that even mean? How do you affirm and what is the basis for affirming? You have to have some type of ideal in order to declare equal value otherwise there is nothing to affirm....
How do you affirm something that has no foundation? How do you choose what to affirm in somebody with cracks in their foundation? Are we just going to turn aside and address cracks and watch people crumble and fall a part- because that is what happens. Sorrow doesn't go away when you affirm a lie, it gets walled in and reinforced by that affirmation so that it is even harder to access and release
Is this building stability?
I have found stability in having a foundation for who I am not in what I do, who I love, how I process or how I am processed by others. The stability comes from knowing that I was created by a person that PATTERNED me like Him so that I would not be defined by the things I do, love, learn or communicate- but that I would be defined by Him and all those things would come out of that foundational truth. The rest of all the things are still in process, but the process is not unto becoming a complete being- I am complete and intentional as designed and a complete, intentional design that was meant to keep increasing in capability, knowledge, understanding, performance, relationship, love, etc. See the difference? One way and belief system is DOING to become while the other is doing out of BEING.
I don't love my husband well because it's the right thing to do in marriage, I love him because I am loved. I don't do the yard work and housework so that I contribute to the household and prove my value to him, I do these things because I have the privilege to as a part of my DNA. I don't work outside the home, not because I don't have value, but because I recognize the value of experience and equipping the children we have been gifted to raise. I don't communicate to be heard, I communicate to preserve connection. I don't need to agree with my friends, family or peers to have connection and relationship because relatability does not equal love, I don't have sex for gratification or pleasure, I get to experience a powerful and beautiful gift created for my husband and I that is far far more incredible and mysterious than simple physical indulgence and was created with boundaries on purpose for a purpose. I'm not looking for other people to complete me when I am a complete creation- I seek to be refined in relationship so that I won't be found lacking in wisdom. This, to me, is evidence of a sturdy, stable foundation. The things built upon behaviors like this find a Source in a measurement that is perfect and balanced rather than emotions or people that are always in process (myself included). Maybe this is deep, but I want to share some of where I'm at right now to give you something to think on- not what to think.
What is identity to you? What are your experiences and heritage that have influenced how you process the world around you? Where have you let experience or process tell you that you are someone you are not? What truths or belief systems do you have that motivate you to live your life? Why do you strive to be a good person? What is good? What is moral? How do you measure morality? I wonder, how much have you, yourself, thought on these things a part from any influence or any desire to "fit in", "be heard" and "be seen"?
You ARE intentional, significant, seen and belong and you are SO much more than what you do, who you love, what you're good at, your value system, your title or position or lack there of. YOU were made on purpose for a purpose- do you believe it?
Lyns
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can possibly ask for or imagine according to the power at work within us"
Ephesians 3:20
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